AITA: I became vegan. My husband and I have watched all the documentaries together, dominion, and he still eats meat. He says I have no right to judge other’s lifestyle choices or different viewpoints. I completely broke down last night.
I’ve read several posts here about being married to an omni so I can see that I’m not alone in this issue. I’d just like some advice about my situation.
Been together 8 years. I have been vegetarian for over a year, in December I finally made the full transition to veganism.
My husband eats the vegan meals I prepare, although he will often cook his own side of meat to add to the dish. Overall he is totally supportive of my change, he eats the vegan substitutes, totally understands why I have changed and has never challenged it.
My husband (I’ll call him Tom) and I watched Dominion together because I knew it was something I needed to see so I wouldn’t change my mind. I asked Tom to watch it with me for emotional support because I knew it would be deeply upsetting, not because I was trying to “convert” Tom. Tom stopped eating meat for about two weeks but then picked it right back up. In my head, I would rationalize this “at least he knows what he is choosing to participate in and isn’t burying his head in the sand about it”.
Sometimes he eats literal pounds of bacon at a time. He is 29 years old and has extremely high blood pressure. I try to gently tell him “if you gave up animal products it would be great for your health” and he says he knows and that’s that.
I haven’t wanted to talk to him about him still eating meat because he has ODD and I knew it would just push him into meat harder but last night he was upset with me for “sounding like an asshole” when I went out to eat with my family. Just to be clear, Tom completely backed me up and supported me in front of the family by agreeing with the factual information I was sharing, but when we got home he was telling me I have no right to judge another person’s viewpoint or lifestyle. (I just want to be clear that the only reason the conversation with my family came up at all is because they were saying things like “chickens lay eggs anyway, what about back yard chickens, what if the cow was impregnated naturally by a bull at a small farm” and other hot “gotcha”s)
So my husband and I talked for like 2 hours after dinner, and he stayed calm, but eventually I was just fucking sobbing and loosing it because the truth is, to choose not to be vegan is not a lifestyle choice that I can understand anymore than choosing to beat a child. They are ethically and morally WRONG. Somehow I am the crazy one for saying “stop giving a financial incentive to animal torcher”. No. You all (meat eaters) are the fucking crazy ones!!! And then I just started fucking sobbing thinking about how innocent these animals are and that I am just one person and even as I’m writing this now I’m crying again.
So I think you can just imagine how the conversation last night spiraled into a question of how I see him as a person and our marriage if he continues to eat meat. Which I now know he definitely won’t give up because he has fucking ODD and now that we had a fight about it, it’ll never happen.
It ended with him saying that I “really am one of those crazy vegan people” and that I just spent an hour belittling and shaming him. But I wasn’t even talking specifically about him for 90% of the conversation, I was talking about everyone who isn’t vegan. But it did come down to me saying that he knows there are a MILLION reasons to go vegan and only one reason not: “it taste good”. And that is fucking stupid and selfish. I definitely got lost in my emotions, not at him but at all the suffering in the world. It was like being overtaken by grief.
And as far as vegans go, I think I’m far from hardcore. I don’t care what indigenous people do, I don’t care about what people in developing nations do, not my community, not my issue, and I’ll leave that to the people who belong to those communities to figure that out. I care about the people living in the richest nations in the world who have UNLIMITED access to literally every fucking substitute who still choose to up hold this disgusting system.
So vegans who are married to an Omni, how do you make it work? How do you live with someone who knowingly participates in a system that is the cause of so much suffering?
I think I might be the asshole because Tom has been so supportive of my change, hasn’t challenged it, and I kind of lost it last night. But I just feel so so deeply about this. Am I the asshole?