UPDATE – University (not) vegan friendly meal plan
I sent an email off to the 'residence and meals guy' (not sure about their actual title but thats what they do lol) telling them that I was not able to physically eat enough calories to stay alive on the meal plan. As someone told me to, I brought up that I'm lactose intolerant (and may have lied a teeny tiny bit about an egg and fish allergy but u do what u gotta do). And as per someone elses advice, I also brought up screenshots of their page explicitly saying that they cater to vegan diets.
12 emails back and forth later and my meal plan is being refunded and I am being moved into a shared apartment style dorm with a small kitchen where I can just cook my own food! Best part is that ig they broke some sort of dining regulations so they aren't even charging me for the room upgrade! I'm moving dorms either on Friday or Saturday, I just have to wait for the paperwork to process. Still gotta eat the meal plan for the week but hey its free apples.
The director person was weirdly quick to answer and super apologetic. It really seems like this is the first time somebody has complained about the vegan options, or that I'm the first one to be so direct about it.
Thanks all for the advice and mutual complaining, kind strangers! I shall cook a Proper Vegan Meal™ of beans and rice when I move into my new dorm.